Weakness vs. Strength

THIS is why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to reach out to other parents’, share my struggles, my tribulations and my triumphs with others’ that are walking the same broken road as I am…..I wanted to show other parents’ that we don’t have to let our illnesses define us. That we could define our illness if we had enough tools, strength and hope.

The last few days I’ve had a lot of different situations arise that could potentially shatter the hope of reaching out to others. A lot of these situations have rocked me to my core. Some have been very personal, too personal to share even here on my blog. It’s those, the personal ones that have rocked me the most. These situations are the ones that have shown how a blog like mine can look like a display of my life, open for the world to see. It can seem like I’m advertising my business, my private matters, ect…ect…

At the same time, those very things remind me as to why I am doing this in the first place. It is the stigma, the ignorance of such illnesses that I want to advocate against. Below is a quote from my About Me page……it is the soul reason I started this project in the first place. I think here is a good place to remind not just myself, but my readers’ why I am so willing to put my private business on display for the world to see.

“Those of us that scream the loudest are the ones that get the most attention. Although I understand that dealing with a serious mental health issue and shouting it to the world can be scary and even humiliating, but without it, our advocacy  will go un-noticed. We will get no where if we hide behind the rock of shame that society as put in front of us.” 

Would a parent’s child be taken away from them because the parent was ill with a debilitating medical illness? The parent receiving treatment for the illness and still needing to rely on family to help them during a difficult time….would they be stomped with stigma about how they are unable to care for their children? How about if the parent got blamed for having such an illness and having their illness used against them as a means to take a child from their custody? Would any of the “medically” illnesses even be considered as grounds for the child’s home being deemed as unsafe or unhealthy? I think not….

That said, I will continue to march forward and push against any resistance anyone would like to put in front of me. I am as good as a Mom as anyone else. I have well periods and unwell periods just like someone who suffers with an illness that is widely accepted within the communities we live. I will not allow anyone to use my illness against me in any shape or form. If you’d like to…..I am up for that war and I promise you, I will not go down without a fight!

I will continue to blog, I will continue to show not just my weaknesses, but my strengths as well. And for anyone who would like to use my blog, my words as a way to punish me….it is you who is showing ignorance and stigma. Nothing has stopped anyone from being stupid, you will not stop me from being strong! I hope every single one of you who think I am the UNHEALTHY one take a long hard look in the mirror…..we all have weaknesses. Fortunately, I have sought help for mine!

Until next time….

Becca ♥

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Self Medication, Substance Abuse & Mental Illness

*Warning! There is some content in this blog post that may not be suitable for all viewers. Also, this is a subject that hits hard for me. I will try to keep this informational and not be too aggressive considering this particular topic. I’m not making any promises though. Consider yourself warned!*

I spent the better part of my teenage years living with my own self medicated mother. Although she got sober and clean, it still was not an easy road for me. As an adult, I still have moments where I’d love to scream at her. Considering the fact that she has already passed away and she got sober, there would be no point in placing blame on her now. I have forgiven her…..

Many people with MI’s use self medication instead of seeking out help. Some of this may be due to embarrassment over their disorder, denial that there is a problem, cost of medication, no insurance or they are addicts. Self medication can rear its head in many ugly forms. The use of alcohol, illegal drug abuse or misuse of prescription and over the counter medications. All of these things not only affect your life, but that of your children’s as well. In fact, substance abuse of any kind is a family’s problem, not just the user’s problem.

Families where there is substance abuse, is usually chaotic, unpredictable, inconsistent and communication breaks down. The children stuck in this situation often feel as though they’ve been abandoned and most are neglected or left to care for themselves. If there are younger children in the home, the oldest sibling may take on the role as adult. They may feel as though it’s their responsibility to care for the younger children, making sure everyone is fed and cared for while the “adult” of the home is passed out drunk on the couch or out at a bar.

Children of substance abusers often want to help their parents, but they do not know how. This leaves them feeling helpless and alone. They are afraid of what the outcome would be if they were to reach out to anyone for help. They do love their parents’ despite the fear and abandonment they feel.

It’s scary to think that children who grow up in a home where substance abuse is involved are subjected to more physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse themselves. They are more likely to witness domestic violence and have behavior issues as well. They may avoid social interaction with their peers out of fear that someone will find out what’s going on at home. These children could lose their self-esteem and many experience PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), having flashbacks of violent events that have gone on in their home. Many children blame themselves, thinking that if they did better in school, got along better with their siblings, stayed in their rooms, weren’t so much trouble, that maybe their parent’s would stop using.

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If there is a sober parent involved in the child’s life, he or she can take steps to insure that the child is not in danger. The sober parent can encourage the user to seek out help. If the user refuses then he or she should suggest allowing the child to come live with them until they are better able to care for the child. If the sober spouse sees that this isn’t an option, they should go through the legal process to have the child removed from the home. No child should have to be subject to their parent’s self medication. If the sober parent is still living in the home, he or she can do whatever it takes to shield the child from much of the abuse that goes on. Or he/she can offer the user an option, take steps to get sober or you’re taking the children and leaving. It may sound like a ultimatium, but ultimately it’s a choice, it’s an option and it’s up to the user to decide what to do. If you do offer this option, be sure to follow through with it or the user will see it as an empty threat. There are many women and children’s shelters throughout the country and domestic violence shelters for those that are living in an abusive home.

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What can you do to get and stay sober:

• Attend AA Meeting – instead of going to the bar or to the liquor store. This applies to the 2nd one as well.
• Attend Substance Abuse Meetings
• Mentors – someone who can hold you accountable and guide you through the steps of getting and staying sober. Someone you can call when you feel the urge to drink or use drugs.
• Seek out treatment at your county’s mental health facility. They will be able to offer you services for both your substance abuse issue and your MI issue.
• Get your MI treated and take your medications only as prescribed by your doctor.
• Go to every pdoc appointment, don’t skip any. Be honest with him/her and tell them everything.
• Go to therapy – individual and family
• Take a parenting class – most likely you are lacking in these skills due to the substance abuse. You will need some help getting back on track.

Substance abuser’s still love their children, but they have a problem that needs attention so they can be better parents. If you are a parent who is using, please use the tips above to get yourself help. You may need to go into an inpatient treatment center while you get better. This is not as terrible as it would be to lose your children or to lose your own life – leaving behind you children who will no doubt blame themselves because they thought they could save you.

If you know someone who is in need of help, reach out to them and encourage them to seek help. If a child is in danger do not hesitate to call 911 or your local Child Protective Services. Like I’ve stated before, no child should have to endure this kind of lifestyle.

I Did It!

Picture I made for my goals article (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

I hope this can come as some inspiration to others. I promise to make this one short and sweet

In this post here Here, I listed some of my plans and I did some of them and would like to check them off.

1. Call someone (other than Hubs) who I can talk to – Check! I called a friend and talked for a while about what I need during a time of crisis. They even offered to help anyway they could in a pinch.
2. Print and prepare my WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) packet – Check! It’s a work in progress, but it’s coming along.
3. Looked over my PAD (Psychiatric Advanced Directive) – Additional Steps: Will need to fill this out with a trained professional.
4. Emailed the person who heads our local DBSA for when and where the meetings are held! Also signed up to start my own group and to volunteer anyway I can right now. – Check!
5. Go for a walk – nope. Didn’t get there, but there’s always tomorrow!

So I accomplished most on my list for today and that list was supposed to last the week. So we’ll see how I can follow through on just those 5 things throughout the week. I’d rather accomplish those 5 goals completely then adding in new ones and taking on more than I can handle. Once I have about two left, then I will add in some more short-term goals.

Until tomorrow…..

Becca ♥

Related articles

• WRAP Reduces Depression, Anxiety, and Improves Self-Perceived Recovery (madinamerica.com)

Your Illness Is Not Your Child’s Responsibility

Children playing in snow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve written a lot concerning different thing that really have nothing to do with Bipolar Parenting…..in view of that fact I thought I’d do a blog post more geared towards the purpose of my blog.

I find it hard sometimes not to rely on my children to help me cope. I see the older one’s as being capable of doing more around the house then what they are doing and as much as this may be true, sometimes I can go overboard. I truly see nothing wrong with asking everyone to clean up their own messes and helping to keep the house presentable. But there is a line that can be easily crossed and I’m willing to give you a brief preview of just where I’ve crossed those lines.

1. At times my older children have been the caregivers of my younger children. Changing diapers, feeding babies, doing dishes and even laundry. Some of you may think this is teaching them life skills and that would be true if it weren’t for the fact that Mommy was doing absolutely nothing to help in the progress. There are times I feel like the drunk or drug addicted Mom who can’t get her head out of her ass long enough to see the problem with this.
2. I have relied on my children to support me during times of depression. Unloading a lot of my feelings of regret onto them by apologizing over and over for being such a terrible parent. Although, I feel apologizes are necessary, they aren’t to be done in the extreme of making the child feel sorry for you.
3. I have kept my children home from school because I knew I could not cope being alone with the babies all day long. This has happened more than once and now we have found ourselves in trouble with the school district because of those abscenes’. These have happened during times of depression or mixed episodes where I’ve been unwilling to ask for outside help.
4. I have on occasions unloaded my issues, my guilt, my thoughts on to my older children in hopes that they would just listen, not expecting any advice in return, when in fact it should be them coming to me with their issues, not the other way around. But my adult brain, my normal brain has a hard time kicking in and reminding me of how bad this might be wounding them.

There are ways to keep these same things happening in your house hold. Even if your children are adults, they should not have to be dealing with their parent’s mental breakdowns and being the ones you unload on when there is no one else. That’s what you have a spouse, a friend, a pastor or other family member, or maybe even the crisis hotline to contact for.

Some of the things that can be helpful are: 

1. Letting the housework go and only putting effort into caring for your children. If that means allowing your spouse to take over the dishes and laundry, then that’s what you are going to have to do. Mental Illness is an adjustment and everyone must be willing to do their part when things get wonky. Asking a child to help out with stuff like that once in a while isn’t a big deal, it does teach life skills, but if it’s constant, then you know there is a huge problem there.
2. If you are constantly telling your child you are a horrible parent and then repeating the same actions, then your apologies mean nothing. Saying sorry means you will never do that particular thing again and in the world of Bipolar, that’s not possible. Sometimes we don’t have control of our emotions and behaviors. But we must apologize and explain that although it may happen again, you are sorry for that and you hope you can better control yourself in the future. Don’t make promises though that you know you can’t keep. reinforce this to your children may set them up to expect the worse from you, but hopefully you’re well times, when you are not sick will be enough to understand that sick you, is not the real you.
3. Try and find someone else to unload on. A therapist is the best place to start. Your problems are your problems and they are there to help you deal with and confront those problems head on. Find one that fits best with you. Knowing what you are looking for in a therapist is a great way to start and don’t be afraid to interview therapists. Find out their approach. If they seem like nothing more than a paid friend, one who can’t offer any coping skills or strategies to get through the tough times, it’s time to find one that does. Unless of course you need a paid friend. For me, I need direction, guidance and one who can coach me through the process with leading questions. One who can give me homework, hold me accountable and offering me coping skills. I have yet to find this kind of therapist in my area.
4. If you find that you are unable to deal with the younger children or even yourself, find someone else who can come in and help you or take the kids for a day if you don’t feel you can be alone with them. Putting the responsibility on your kids to take care of the youngers’ or to help you help yourself is selfish behavior and it has to stop. It’s interfering with school, their education, their childhood and it’s teaching them nothing.
5. Also, don’t make your kids stop being kids because you can’t cope. Telling them they can’t go play because you can’t get up off the couch or out of bed to care for the smaller children or make dinner is not fair to them and they will resent you for it. I’m not saying they can’t give up one or two nights to help out, but continuously asking them to give up their childhood is completely unfair. You may have to decide that cereal is for dinner, the livingroom is their play ground and the TV is their babysitter until Dad or someone else can come home and help you out.

The bottom line is making sure we shield our children from our illnesses as much as possible. Sometimes doing that is impossible, so we must find ways to not only forgive ourselves but ensure that we don’t make the same mistakes too much, too often. Putting a plan in place is a great way to start.

I actually have a binder system going right now. It has all these tips in it, my WRAP packet, my PAD packet and eventually all my blog posts as this is stuff I hope to be using in the future when I start advocating, which should be today, not tomorrow. Procrastination is my best friend right now.

Until next time…..

Becca ♥

Schizophrenia – Symptoms

I’m sorry if my coverage on this topic is a little much. Having a child diagnosed with Psychosis NOS and later the terms positive and negative symptoms being used to describe her condition, I find myself personally attached to this disorder in particular. Considering that it is one of the worst Mental Illnesses one can acquire and how horrible the prognosis of schizophrenia is, I feel it’s important to have more information than less. This disorder hits home for me just as hard, if not harder than Bipolar Disorder. I have, myself, experienced most of these symptoms myself as some of these are closed linked to Bipolar Disorder.

Many people have this misconception that Schizophrenics’ have a split personality…..this is far from the truth. In fact, Schizophrenia isn’t part of the Personality Disorder classification at all. It is part of its own spectrum all together and combining the two as one comes from lack of knowledge, which is quite common. I hope with some of the information I can provide for you, it will help you to see just how wrong this view is.

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What is Schizophrenia? It’s a chronic, severe and disabling disorder of the brain. It affects approximately 1% of the American population. Schizophrenia is very rare in children, affecting only 1 in 40,000 compared to 1 in 100 adults. The average onset for males is around 18 years of age and 25 years of age for females. It ranks among the top 10 reasons for disability. I also wanted to note here, that Schizophrenia does not present in children any differently then it does in adults.

The symptoms of schizophrenia are separated into three broad categories: positive symptoms, negative symptoms and cognitive symptoms. I will cover each of these in detail below.

Positive Symptoms - This is when one loses touch with reality. The symptoms can come and go. They can sometimes be severe and other times can be hardly noticed.

• Hallucinations – Hallucinating can affect all five senses and can come in many different forms.

1. Visual – Seeing things that are not there. One may insist bugs are crawling on the walls or a person is standing outside when in fact no one was there.
2. Auditory – Hearing voices and things that are not present or no one else can hear. The voices may talk about the person’s behavior, cutting them down, commenting on each activity in a negative or positive way. The voices may also order a person to do something or warn of dangers. Sometimes the voices even talk to one another.
3. Tactile – Feeling things that other people don’t feel or feeling as though something is touching them when no one else is close enough to be doing so.
4. Olfactory – Smelling things that are not there or smelling something different from others around you may be smelling
5. Gustatory – Tasting things that are not there.

• Delusions – Strongly held false beliefs that have no validating evidence especially as part of a mental illness.

1. Paranoid delusions or delusions of persecution. For example, believe someone is “out to get” you or the thought that people are doing things to harm you when there is no evidence to support these claims.
2. Delusions of reference – Believing things in the environment are directed at you. For example, the television or radio is directing special messages just for you.
3. Somatic Delusions are false beliefs about your body – for example, believing you have an object growing or crawling inside of your body. Believing you have a fatal, medical condition.
4. Delusions of grandeur – Believing you have superpowers, you are a rock star or you are God or a special messenger for a higher being.

• Negative Symptoms - Are associated with disruptions to normal emotions and behaviors. They can be harder to recognize as they can be mistaken for depression.

1. Lack of emotion – the inability to enjoy activities you once liked to do.
2. Low energy – the person has a tendency to sit around or sleep too much.
3. Low motivation – No interest in life.
4. Flattening Affect – Blank facial expressions or less than lively facial movements, flat voice (no variation or emotion when speaking), lack of facial movement.
5. Alogia – Difficulty or inability to speak.
6. Inability to socialize with other people
7. Inability to make or keep friends
8. Social Isolation

Cognitive Symptoms - Symptoms that relate to problems with thought processes. Such as: memory, judgment, abstract thought and comprehension.

1. Disorganized thinking
2. Slow thinking
3. Difficulty understanding
4. Poor concentration
5. Poor memory
6. Problems with attention

So now that we have covered symptoms of Schizophrenia, let’s take a break for you to absorb all this info. In this post Schizophrenia Sub-types and Diagnosis I have covered the different types of Schizophrenia and Diagnostic procedures.

Until next time….

Becca ♥

Related articles

• Negative Symptoms Have a Greater Impact Than Positive Symptoms (madinamerica.com)
• Schizophrenia (neumannpsychology.wordpress.com)
• Everyone Around You Is An Impostor: Inside the Mind’s Most Bizarre Delusions (talkingmonkeynews.wordpress.com)