Bipolar Moments! Uh??

Bipolar is a big deal and unfortunately one of two things has happened since Bipolar has been widely recognized over the last few years. Either everyone has it or wants to have it, like it’s some new fad or something. Or it’s the worse illness in the world and people with Bipolar should be avoided because they are a bomb waiting to explode. Both of these scenarios are exaggerations of what having Bipolar really is.

First off…if you had it, you wouldn’t want to have it. You also do not have what some people like to call, “Bipolar Moments” and having someone shrug you off after you openly admit that you suffer with Bipolar Disorder and say something like, “Oh, Bipolar? That’s no biggie!” If they knew, they would NOT be saying that kind of stuff! It’s ignorant and condescending.

I have a few people in my life who like to throw phrases like this around. I have also met a few people who have apparently been dx’d with Bipolar, people I have known my entire life and when I ask which pdoc they see and what kind of meds they are on they always say, “I dunno.” This is because they don’t have bipolar, they haven’t been diagnosed and they want some label that defines them as the people they are. In plain truth, most are just looking for an excuse so they can continue to act like the asses they are. Those of us that suffer with Bipolar Disorder, actually suffer from it. We know about our illnesses, we talk to our doctors’, we learn about the disorder, we learn about the medications, we ask questions and we learn how to cope. We don’t make excuses…..

It’s scary really, because anyone who has lived a Bipolar life would not want to be living it. For most of us, it’s always an uphill battle and the downside of that hill is just as steep and you fall just as fast as you climbed it. It’s not fun, it’s not easy. It does destroy lives, marriages, families, jobs, careers, relationships. It can land you in jail or it can be used against you that you could be institutionalized for the remainder of your life.

As for those of us with Bipolar being time-bombs, that isn’t really the truth either. People who suffer with Bipolar Disorder or some other type of mental illness are more likely to be the victims of a crime then to actually be the one doing the crime. We are not violent and we are not just waiting for someone to push our piss off buttons so we have an excuse to hit you. It just doesn’t work that way……

Speaking only for myself….there have been many times over the past 12 months that someone has pushed me a little too far. Un-medicated me would have lashed out in ways that would have made those people’s heads spin. Medicated me, stable me knows my limits and knows when it’s time to walk away and honestly, that’s how I think most of us with Bipolar are.

In all seriousness though…..Bipolar is a very serious illness. It is not something to be joked about or thrown around by people who think it’s something fun. It’s debilitating and as mentioned above, it can destroy your life. If you think it’s cool to walk around telling people you are Bipolar, then maybe you should start getting involved and actually do something to understand what the illness is really about!

Until next time….

Becca♥

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Controlling Anxiety – Part 2

If you missed Part 1 you can catch it Here!

There have been many times I have found myself face to face with a situation I can’t control. One example is what I’m going to be faced with very soon. My anxiety is through the roof over the thought of living with my Dad and my brother. I’m used to living alone, I’m used to not having to worry about stepping on others’ toes, I’m used to allowing my kids to play and be kids, I’m used to independence and being on my own…..

There is not one aspect of this that I can change nor can I control. I have no choice but to face this and face it head on. instinctively I want to run and hide. I don’t want to deal with it. I keep finding ways around it or finding ways that maybe I don’t have to stay with my brother.

(I want to add here it’s not because I don’t love my brother, or he’s mean or my Dad’s mean. It’s just after years of being on my own, coping with an illness as I have, this is going to feel like torture.)

If you go back and re-read what I wrote there….I’ve already set myself up for failure. Telling myself that the entire situation is going to “feel” like something negative sets my anxiety running. Because if I expect it to be a certain way, then most likely it will be and it won’t be because of anything anyone is doing, even if it seems that way at the time.

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Anxiety is brought on by many different triggers, but that anxiety can get worse and deepen if we continue to think negatively about a particular situation. One anxiety thought can lead to a million anxiety thoughts if we allow our thinking process to continue to snowball. It’s up to us to stop the negativity in its tracks!

If we can think about the positives that the situation could provide for us, we have won half the battle. If we replace the negative thoughts with good thoughts, positive thoughts, then another part of that battle has been won. Having a plan in place for when you feel an anxiety attack coming on…..now you’ve won the battle.

What helps me is to keep a journal of the anxiety provoking thought. Below it I write out how that negative thought is a distortion of reality. I also write out possible positive outcomes. Throughout this process….I only do not let my thoughts continually drift to the negatives of the situation. I say to myself, “Nope! I haven’t crossed that bridge yet!” And I keep on journaling. If by the time I’ve written out how I’m feeling about an upcoming situation I still feel anxiety….then I keep journaling. Usually if I re-read what I’ve written about, I can see that my thinking is distorted. That the outcome is not set within the here and now, nor is it a proper perception of the situation at hand.

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Anxiety attacks only come on for me when I find myself in a situation I was unable to prepare for. When I feel one coming on, I have to do A LOT of self-talk. I have to continually work the problem out in my head and try to trick my brain into viewing things in a positive manner. When I feel my breathing starting to get shallow, I take deep breaths, the ones that fill your stomach and your shoulders and then I let them out, sometimes I even sigh a little to release some of the tension. I stretch my neck a little while I’m breathing and start focusing on something positive.

It doesn’t always work and sometimes I find myself having to excuse myself from a situation, lock myself in the bathroom, throw some cold water on my face and breath deeply in private. I used to get embarrassed over this, but not anymore. Because when it comes down to it, if that’s what I need to regroup…..then it’s better for my health to step away, do what makes me feel more comfortable, assess the situation and come up with a plan to go back out and battle it again.

*Medication is not a cure for anxiety. It can make it easier for you to manage and therefore use the coping skills you’ve learned, but it will not take away the anxiety you are feeling. Medication is only part of the battle.*

Until next time…

Becca♥

Medications, Diet and Bipolar Disorder

 

The USDA’s original food pyramid from 1992. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Until I went inpatient I never had any idea on how medications and the foods I was eating were interacting with one another. I don’t think any of us know, because that would mean we’d have to read the exact science on how medications are metabolized through our system. What’s used, what isn’t and how much is excreted from our bodies after we have received the benefits of such medications.

While inpatient I received a pamphlet on eating disorders as I struggle with anorexia and am still struggling today. When I find myself stressed I eat less, when depressed I eat nothing and when Manic I find that it takes too much out of my day to eat a meal. That is of course when I’m not in a manic mood to bake and make home cooked, homemade meals every night of the week. Then I sit, shuffle as much in as possible in a short amount of time and get back to doing whatever it was that I was doing.

Anyway…..back to where I was.

The medications we are on are used by the foods we eat. Not enough nutrients means that our bodies will not absorb our medications properly and an imbalance will occur. The same can happen with messing with dosing times. If we don’t keep a constant level of medication in our bodies, then our brains begin to peter out. It’s important not only to eat properly for our health, but we must eat properly so our medications can do the job they are meant to do. We might view those who are telling us to eat properly as using this tactic to help us not have to take medication, but the reality is, without a balanced diet, full of proper nutrients….our medications will not work properly.

That said, eating a balanced diet alone isn’t going to manage our illness. Eating properly and taking vitamins will only help the medications and as a result will make us feel better. Not just because the medications are working better, but because healthy foods always make us feel better.

Think about how you feel after you’ve eaten something from a fast food resturaunt…..you feel full, gassy and sometimes sick to your stomach. The food is not healthy for you. It is processed in a way that is not made for our bodies.

Here’s a few foods we should try to avoid:

• Avoiding red meats, saturated and trans fats, carbohydrates is a good place to start. Mainly because they cause obesity and can cause diabetes. Most of our medications contribute to these two things, why should we add in foods that can always be a risk?
• Caffine – This is my biggest downfall! I love my coffee. I love the way it tastes, I love the way it smells. But I’ve switched to 1/2 calf and I’ve already seen a difference in my mood because of it. I’m less irritable and I don’t get as agitated as easily. My anxiety is also better controlled.
• High Fat Meals – especially things that are fried. My Hubs and I try to bake, broil, boil or grill everything we eat. As much as I love fried chicken I try to limit it. Although it’s rich in protein it is also rich in fat from the frying and I know I need to limit it as much as possible. Also, high fat meals can reduce the time it takes for your body to absorb your medications.

Maintaining a healthy diet with fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, eggs, low-fat dairy and nuts is a great way to start. That doesn’t mean you can’t have the occasional snack that you enjoy. Eating one night of fried chicken isn’t going to wreck your healthy diet. Eating a small bag of chips is okay….it’s all in moderation and it’s all extras after you have eaten your balanced meals throughout the day.

This is especially hard on me due to my eating disorder. But I am getting better and plan on continuing during and after the move. I plan on packing fruit for our snacks in the car, things like cut up apples, grapes, nutrigrain bars, fruit juice. Did you know 100% fruit juice in an 8oz cup equals 1 1/2 servings of the fruit you need each day. So if you drink one glass of juice plus eat an apple as a snack, you’ve met your quota for the day.

It may take time to learn what the packages mean…..but in the long run it will help with your stability.

I suggest talking with your doctor about any exercise regimen that you are considering and if any vitamin supplements may interact with the medications you are taking. Taking good care of our bodies is the beginning of taking good care of our brains.

Until next time…

Becca ♥