Maybe it’s some depression slipping in….actually I know it is. I’m doing all I can to combat it. Breathing, relaxation techniques when the stress gets to be too much. Replacing all those negative thoughts with positive ones. Reminding myself that I’ve been above depression before and will be again. Reading through my packets and using my tools….but it’s still there.
It has nothing to do with medication. Medication does not fix situational issues. Problem solving does and that’s a skill I lack terribly in. Sure I can do a math problem, but to figure out life’s problems….that’s a complete different ball park and one I’m not even in.
Right now, smashing into deep depression would be detrimental for everyone. It wouldn’t just affect me and my life alone. Not that it ever really does….depression affects everyone in your life with. Every single person that is part of you life and that’s exactly why I need to keep it together.
Next month at this time we will be living in a new state. This should be exciting for me, for us…..but it’s really not. I mean, there’s nothing here to keep me here. There’s no family, only a few friends who occasionally keep in touch with us, there’s no jobs here and housing here is ridiculous compared to the state we are going to move to. But….it’s one of those things that trigger me. It’s called change! I wrote about it here.
Not to mention….this is sure to mess with mine and Gitty’s Bipolar Clock! Gosh! I have to make sure we both keep taking our meds, because this medically could really screw with both of us.
Don’t get me wrong, this is a positive change….but a change none the less. I don’t do well living with other people and we will be staying with family for a while. Bipolar Disorder is a foreign world for most people and having to keep my illness under wraps all the time is going to be quite difficult, quite stressful.
I should be excited, but I’m worried, no anxious about the entire thing. Sure, the logistics have been worked out, well most of them. We still don’t know WHEN we are leaving, but we do know we ARE leaving. But the logistics of living with others’ who don’t understand my illness is so far beyond my comprehension…..
I fear not being comfortable, or innocent things setting me off, finding new doctors’ not just for me and Gitty, but for all the kids. School starts in August out there, I have to enroll them in school and find doctor’s that can give them their physicals before school….again. They just had their physicals on Monday *sigh*…..I can find and list all the positives in this, but there’s also some major negatives to this.
It’s a MAJOR life change and we all know what that can do to typical people let alone someone suffering with a mental illness…..oh well, it is what it is I guess. This too shall pass……
Until next time…