Bipolar and Pregnant

I was already 5 months into my pregnancy before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. That said….I lived through hell the months prior and know what it’s like to be a Bipolar pregnant woman

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If you are not pregnant yet, but considering pregnancy, the first thing I can suggest to you…….start talking about it NOW with your pdoc and obgyn. Let them both know that you want to have a baby and when you’d like to start trying. Work out with your pdoc what medications are safe during pregnancy and what medications he’s willing to allow you to try. I would personally give yourself a good 6 months to a year of trial and error with medications before you start trying. You will need to find this time to figure out which medications will help keep you stable through the transition period. Also, get your OBGYN and your pdoc on board with one another. Have them working as a team. This will ensure the best treatment possible for you

Expect ups and downs, as with any med change or tweak. You may find that you can stay on your same medications but need a lower dose. Or you may find you need to go off all medications until you are past your first trimester. This is when the baby is developing the most. The second and third trimester is for growth of the baby and medications may not be of much concern to the baby.

Read as much as possible about Bipolar and Pregnancy. Research, educate. Find out which medications are in safer classes. Stay away from meds that are classed as D medications. They have known side effects in the baby and are probably not good choices in the long run.

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If you are already pregnant, your work may be a little harder. You are already going through hormonal changes due to the pregnancy and finding the right med combo can feel like a disaster. You may find it’s harder to get your OB and your pdoc on the same page. One or the other may not be comfortable prescribing medication throughout your pregnancy. This is the time to find a doctor who is willing to work with you, not against you. Even if you like your doctors, your treatment and well-being must come first. Being a suicidal pregnant woman is the last thing any doctor wants to have to deal with.

Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating, drinking and resting enough to help your baby grow. My last baby M&M was born 4 weeks early, weighing in at a tiny, 4 pounds 13 ounces. I do not contribute this to the medications, but to the nausea I felt on the medications. It also didn’t help that M&M was very sleepy after I had received the epidural, which I must stress is a common side effect for babies. She did end up in the ICU because she was not eating properly due to being so sleepy. My own eating habits was difficult because the medications combined with morning sickness made it hard to gain weight. Try and find a medication that has the least amount of side effects, especially nausea, or other GI issues. Rest was a huge issue for me as I was trying to take care of other children with little or no help. I tried napping when the kids were resting but then this just messed with my sleep at night. I contribute most of my pregnancy issues with the Zoloft as that caused me the most GI issues. The Seroquel did not, it just made me hungrier. That said, keep an eye on weight gain, making sure you are not gaining too much weight too fast as that can be unhealthy for both you and the baby.

If you are considering breast-feeding I would suggest reading this article here Bipolar and Breastfeeding. It has come good information on how to deal with doctor’s concerning this topic.

All in all, if you want to get pregnant and have a baby, you need to find a set of doctor’s that are willing to work with you. My perinatologist quoted that “The benefits of treating the baby are more important then the possible risks to the baby and therefore should be considered first in treatment of all MI’s.” I was lucky and fortunate to have such great doctor’s that were willing to work together so I could be treated.

Until next time….

Becca ♥

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Bi-Polar and Love – Hubs View

As I look back and realize how far we have come from becoming friends, to a couple, to parents, to husband and wife.So much has changed since that first date of ours.

In my mind I knew she was the one I wanted in my life, as my wife no matter what. Now don’t get me wrong, things have not always been the best. I have no idea of any relationship that has not had its shares of downs.

But when you have a bond with someone, as I have one with my wife, there is nothing like it in the world. At times no words are needed, just a look in their eyes, change in the tone of their voice or a difference in their touch.But saying that, there have been times that I have missed all those signs and things started a downfall within my wife’s life.If you are in any type of relationship with someone with a MI you always need to have your eyes open.I am to be there to love, support and understand my wife as times she may not be able to. Also keep an open mind, things may seem different to you, then how they really are for the one you love. It may take time to understand where they are coming from, but in time you will come to understand. Just think of this,think of the time you gave your SO by just listening to them, being there for them, holding them when they need it most. Think of the love you just showed them.

In closing I feel Love is so beyond underrated because with love anything is possible because without your love where would your loved one be?

Thanks for reading

Hubs

Attitude and Contenment

Sunrise. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way and it’s taken a long time for it to sink in…and it probably won’t be easy for you to hear either. However, I feel I need to share this small piece of insight with you and hopefully help you to avoid the same mistakes I’ve made over the last 17 months of my life.

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There was a time when everything in my life was…..smooth. The money was coming in, the bills were getting paid, the kids were happy, my marriage was rock solid, everything was good. Even the things that weren’t good,  were still good. There were solutions to the problems, stability to our lives, contentment.

Then something mysterious happened. After I got gave birth to our 6th child, things in my brain started to change. I didn’t enjoy waking up early anymore. I didn’t want to take care of the house or the kids or the finances. I woke up one morning miserable. I just wanted to curl up in bed and stay there. FOREVER!

Part of this was because I had hit one heck of a mixed episode and being untreated left me in shambles. But……7 months after Emmie was born, I began getting treatment and things started to look just a little brighter. The mornings weren’t as hard anymore. I still dreaded getting up to take care of 6 kids, but it wasn’t the kind of dread that took me to the bottom of the ocean. It was more like, “Ugh! Another day! Aren’t they old enough for school yet?” It really wasn’t dread, just dark humor.

But then….I still couldn’t enjoy the things I once did. I used to love to be up early, way before the kids, listening to the birds sing their good morning song, watching the sun rise more and more over the clouds, doodling in my journal, catching up on my emails and just tinkering around being me.It was and still is my favorite time of the day. By the time my children woke, I was eager to greet them with hugs and kisses and lots of love and cuddles. Somewhere, some how those things changed.

I found that I was unable to be up before the kiddos were up. I didn’t get out of bed until I heard JP running through the house or until Hubs woke me and said he was leaving for work. I stretched the time I spent in bed to the last possible minute. I really hated getting out of bed in the morning. Looking back, it was probably the depression. I have tried many times to figure out where that depression had come from and I still have no answers.

Slowly my sleep patterns have changed. I used to work on a 11pm to 5am kind of clock. Then when the depression kicked in I slept whenever I could. Once treatment kicked in, I went from 10pm to 8am and then 8pm to 10am. Now…..I’m doing about 5am until Hubs finally drags me out of bed. My sleep is wonky and has been for months and I can’t find a way to get it back on track. If I could just find something that would help me fall asleep fast, stay asleep and then be awake by 5am feeling refreshed and ready to start the day, I’d take it. All meds we’ve tried so far have failed me.

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Part of this I believe has to do with my attitude. Not the sleep part, that’s a separate issue. But my inability to enjoy life the way I deserve to be enjoying life. I deserve to enjoy my husband, enjoy my children, enjoy my life even if things aren’t as grand as I’d like them to be. I deserve contentment and so does my family. How does one actually find contentment? Especially when they look around and everything seems to be so bleak, so grey, so out of your reach?

Sure, the meds help, at least a little bit (I wouldn’t say a lot because I still lack motivation). And I have a terrible diet, which probably isn’t helping me much either (something come next month I’m really going to change thanks to zenandtheheartofborderlinemaintenance.com) and therapy would probably kick some of this out of me.

But for me, it boils down to attitude. How much of all of this is important enough to me to change my way of thinking? Am I really going to wallow around, feeling sorry for myself because a doc slapped me with a label or am I going to embrace it, do something about it and start living the life I’ve always dreamed about? I think I’ll pick the last one because all this wallowing is getting to be exhausting!

The lesson I learned? Had I gone into treatment expecting to get stable and recover, today wouldn’t be so hard for me. Instead, I went in thinking I was a basket case with no hope and if I continue with that attitude I will never get to a place of contentment.

Until next time…..

Becca ♥

What To Expect At A Psychiatry Visit

*this is also a pinned page at the top. I did this for future reference for anyone who may have missed this post*

Every doctor handles things in different ways. This blog post is just from my own personal perspective and experience. I hope hearing about the way things were handled with me, will help you understand what you might expect if you decide to see a psychiatrist.

My first visit was an intake. A lady took all my personal, medical and mental health information.

Some questions they asked:

• Name and address, birthdate, social security number, insurance information, primary doctor
• Surgeries, head injuries, medications taken, last period, ect.
• Treated for other mental health issues in the past, what where they, who did I see, what medications and treatments were prescribed at the time.

Then came the heavy-duty questions like:

1. What goals are you hoping to achieve by coming here?
2. Have you ever been sexually abused?
3. Have you ever abused drugs or alcohol?
4. What made you seek out treatment?
5. Name 3 good things about yourself.
6. Name 3 things you’d want to change about yourself.
7. What medications and treatments have worked for you in the past?

And the list goes on. That’s just a small example of the questions you may be asked. I’m telling you this in advance, because if you are like me, you like to be prepared. I scoured the internet for hours trying to find a general overview of what to expect during a psychiatry visit and I couldn’t find much.

About a month after my first intake, I got to see the doctor. Believe me, this is quite fast. The waiting period is typically 3 to 6 months before you can get in to see one. I had a few things on my side. 1) I was pregnant. 2) I had just been released from the hospital and was need of urgent, emergency care. Waiting a month was nothing compared to how long I had been waiting to get some relief.

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Some tips to help you through the process:

• Don’t expect results right away. I was fortunate that my doc turned a 45 minute appointment into an hour and a half. (this doesn’t usually happen) He was also willing and receptive to speaking with my husband. Actually, he demanded it. Not all doctor’s are like this. Hubs pdoc is one who likes to talk down to patient’s spouses.
• You probably won’t get a diagnosis right away. It takes time for a doctor to get to know you and what you have been experiencing. In my experience, most pdocs don’t look at the past, they only treat current symptoms. This is a disaster as much information is lost by only examining the here and now.
• Don’t be surprised if you don’t walk out with a script right away. Some doctor’s like to have a bigger, better picture before they start prescribing anything.
• Please, if your doc is only concerned about pushing pills at you, then you should probably look for a new one. Good pdoc’s don’t do this to their patients.
• Find a pdoc you are comfortable with. One you click with and are comfortable talking to and telling him how you are feeling.
• Your diagnosis may change over time as your doc is able to gather more and more information about you and the symptoms you are having.
• And whatever you do, don’t worry, you probably won’t have to lay on anyone’s couch to get the correct diagnosis!

Psychiatrists are not scary! Most are only concerned about making you feel better. They are concerned about treating your symptoms and taking good care of you. They don’t want you to be a guinea pig nor do they want to lobotomized you with medication. They want to help you. A good pdoc will want you to educate yourself about your illness, your treatment options, medications that may or may not help, medications he/she prescribes for you. They will want you to be involved in your own treatment and will have you take steps towards getting better with the combination of medication, therapy and self-care.

Until next time….

Becca ♥

My First Psychiatry Visit

I can remember the first time I considered seeing a psychiatrist. I was the mother of 3 small children and I was a basket case. After one appointment with him, I quit. I went expecting to get some help and instead I was handed a notebook and told to write down everything I thought about myself, good and bad. That he’d see me in a week, we’d go through the book and decide if medication was appropriate for me. I hated his approach and vowed to never see another psychiatrist again. If it was therapy I wanted, I’d continue going to therapy. It wasn’t therapy I needed (or so I thought) it was help in not feeling so horrible all the time. The depression as eating me alive.

My second visit, with a different doctor was much different from the first. Had I known psychiatrists like mine actually existed, I would have sought one out long ago and probably wouldn’t be suffering the way I do now.

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It was June 28, 2011 and I was already familiar with the office as I had been receiving therapy in the same building. The therapist called me back first, we talked for a few minutes and then the pdoc said he wanted to see me NOW as he had a cancellation and could fit me in rather than me have to wait 2 hours after my therapy appointment. So, tdoc agreed and Hubs sat talking to tdoc while pdoc talked with me. I got about two words out of my mouth before he stormed into my tdoc’s office and wanted to talk with my Hubs.

I could hear them, conversing about me and my behaviors over the past 18 years. There were lots of questions on his part and I could barely make out Hubs answers. He can be quiet when he speaks, until he gets revved up anyway….he spent about 15 or 20 minutes talking to Hubs and then ran back to me asking me follow-up questions to which he’d run back to Hubs and ask him a series of questions. Finally a diagnosis was made…I could hear my pdoc say, in his loud, Russian/Polish accent, “She is not depressed Mr. Moore…..your wife has something called Bipolar!” 

I felt like the girl in this story Hospitalization Part 2. I could hear everything they were saying and not being properly medicated, I didn’t see this as them working as a team. I felt like they were talking about me in a negative way and not trying to help me. I soon found myself crawling up into my chair, scared to death. Bipolar was such a dirty word….even if I didn’t know much about it.

It wasn’t long before Hubs and Doc joined me in Doc’s office and everything was explained to me. My doctor went through all the signs, all the symptoms and all the treatment options that were available to me. My options were limited as I was pregnant, but at least there was options. We went through a bunch of different questions and then……my doc won my heart.

He said, again in his accent, “I don’t want to just put you on any medication Miss Becca. I want your OBGYN to be part of this team. Without their help, I don’t feel comfortable medicating you. I need to make sure you and your baby are safe.” 

Wow! Was all I could think at that moment. I wasn’t just a patient to him, he actually gave a crap and not just about me, but about my unborn baby too.

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After M&M was born, he insisted we bring her to my next appointment with him. He wanted to see her, to see with his own eyes that the decision to medicate throughout my pregnancy didn’t harm her. He was pleased with what he saw and smiled often at her. He asks at almost every appointment how M&M is doing, how is she progressing, how am I doing with her.

I have a pdoc who cares and I realize now, they weren’t talking about me. They were trying to figure out how to help me

I hope your pdoc is as awesome as mine!

Until next time…..

Becca ♥